Bakstabba's Corner III

[jruthless]

Bakstabba's Movie Review: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith



WAR! HUNH! GOOD GOD YA'LL! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOULTELY NOTHING! SAY IT AGAIN... wait, stop... just read on

First off, I would like to give a big "I TOLD YOU SO!". You know who you are.

Told us what? Isn't this suppose to be a movie review? Very good, Billy!

I had the displeasure to see the latest (Not last... there will be more) suckfest that is Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Being a movie buff (nerd w/ too much free time), I felt it is my sworn duty to give all you ATF members the 4-1-1.

Being online gamers, I am almost certain that most of you have already seen this film. For the ones who haven't, read closely, and for those who have, I hope I open some bad memories about your movie going experience.

Testimonial: "It was the best of the three movies, but crap is still crap."

Do we all remember Return of the Jedi? A very flimsy story, but filled with battles and muppets? Let me reintroduce you to the fan favorite film redited to become the crapfest that entered theaters May 19th.

SUPER SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE DO NOT READ ON. YOU CAN SCROLL DOWN TO THE NEXT CAP POINT TO CONTINUE READING ON THE RANT.

This movie sucked

This film stunk worse than the backseat of Codsworth car.

George Lucas reintroduces his emotionless characters for the final installment of the Star Wars Prequel. Once again he has installed technological wonders (vulture droids, Jedi temple destress becon, General Grievous) that surpass everything that was featured in the later Star Wars movies that took place in the future... but these were developed in the pass... ??? hmm.

Anyways, Anakin Skywalker and Kills Count Dooku. Skywalker and Kenobi save the Emperor... I mean Senator Palpatine (sorry if I ruined it for anyone). Skywalker starts wussing it up again by having nightmares of incredibly hot, but painfully bland Natalie Portman dying (As if having your mom cornholed by Tuskin Raiders wasn't bad enough). Skywalker plays bitch-boy to the Jedi Council and monitors Palpatine. Palpatine decides to sweet talk Sir Crys-a-lot into becoming a Sith Lord. AND THE RETARD NEVER SUSPECTS HE IS EVIL! Lots of little skirmishes are scattered throughout the film including a battle against Droid army lung cancer poster child General "Don't Call Me Ponch" Grievous. WAIT! GRIEVOUS IS AWESOME! HE KILLS JEDI AND STEALS THEIR LIGHTSABERS AS TROPHIES!!! HE FIGHTS WITH FOUR LIGHTSABERS AT A TIME!!! This proves how fucking useless Jedi training is... anyone see Clone Wars on Cartoon Network? Mace Windu crushes that robotic gimps as with the force... you think rather than engaging a robot lightsabers you might want to try that? Friggin Idiots. Sorry went on a rant there Anyways, Kenobi powns Grievous. Crywalker reveals to the Council (FINALLY) that he suspects Palpatine is a Sith Lord. If you've seen this movie you can understand how stupid this kid is to not figure it out sooner. An arrest attempt is made Kit Fisto dies (MY BOY, poor a 40 on the curb for ya homie) so does some other nameless Jedi. Mace Windu pushes Palpatine around and Wahnakin has to decide who does he help (come on peeps! "I'm old and I can save Padme!" "Bitch, I'm Samuel L. Jackson! I'm a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker.). Needless to say, Windu is knocked outta a window (Dead/Alive?) and joins the Sith under his new marketable title Darth Vader. Alotta Jedi get gunned down by the same people who get outgunned by fucking Ewoks. We finally meet Chewbacca who did jack-shit (He stands around! Peter Meyhew!). Cheesedick battle between Emperor and Yoda/ Anakin Obi-Wan. Vader gets powned and set ablaze my conviently placed lava. Padme dies of a broken heart (What's that shit about!?!) Luke and Leia are born. Vader because the mechanical monster we all gre up loving only now alot more whinier! FYI: The part where Vader breaks stuff is the funniest part of the movie. VADER SMASH! Kids get seperated. I puked. The End.

END OF SPOLIER! END OF SPOLIER! END OF SPOILER! END OF SPOLIER!

If you want to see a two and a half hour movie of filler and eye-candy, then this is your movie. If you are a Star Wars fan and dont give a rat's ass what I think, then go see it.

It's been three years since the last time since someone threw a pitch to George Lucas. Strike 3! He's out.

I am very open-minded. If you feel that my review of this film was inaccurate and was infact a good movie (Go fuck yourself...j/k ), feel free to write your own review on this same thread.

MAY THE BACTERIA BE WITH YOU

Peace Out, ATF!!!

Bak

[poonster]

I sense Batman Begins will suffer the same fate as episode 3

[Poohpoptdgka]

This movie brought on a great saddness.......so sad

[Calimitous Mayhem]

OMG this review STINKS of biased opioin! How can anyone take your review seriously if you obvously didn't like star wars to begin with? Bad review

[jruthless]

No, no, no, Clammy-pooh! I love Star Wars! That's why I though this installment sucked. Empire Striked Back is the best movie of all six. Thanks to a differant director and the opinion of Star Wars stars such as Harrision Ford, they make this film what Lucas tried to recreate in the last three films. If you can point out any good/memoriable scenes that doesn't require the use of eye-candy or filler then I will lay down the gauntlet of pissed-off movie goer and move on to bigger and better things... like setting hobos on fire or some other victimless crime.

[Calimitous Mayhem]

I'll give it my best shot. :P

OK you said eye candy. Your talking about the advanced CGI effects or just special effects in general right? Ask yourself this. If you were back in the 70's(was 70's right when it came out right?)and you saw star wars for the first time, what would you think about the special effects. george lucas has been at the leading edge of technology in almost all his films except american graffiti(his first). So i fail to see the grief over special effects. I mean the special effects real cutting edge for it's time when star wars was released. No movies had that kind of thing at that time. And now that's the norm! So again that's why i sense a bit of bias in your opioin.

I'm not going to say that the newer movies are perfect but I still get the same joy watching them as I did watching the first ones when i was a kid. You all have to remember you were quite a bit younger when you first saw them right? George Lucas created these films to make them joyous and to satisfiy our space fantasies. And I think he does a fantastic job.

OK, the first movie :
BAD - Jar jar(booooo), droids(i'd perfer a more alien enemy), too much time spent on tatooine
GOOD - Telling you how Anakin came to be.(Fortelling of the prophecy), POD races were awesome(You could NOT do a futuristic race like that using any means except CGI!), Darth Maul!(need i say more, 2nd coolest villian next to vader), Showing how palpatine started to take over the senate and manipulated so many events in order t take over., Anakin's future wife(don't exactly agree with her being several years older but it is possible), Dynamic death of a hero(Qui Qon Jin).

Forgive me that's mostly what I can remember from the first one. I'm sure there's a few more I missing.

Second Movie:
BAD - Plot was a little slow I admit but was still pretty solid. , Again, driods(had enough of droids already! haha), Anakin being punked by some stupid machines! And then so easily by dooku, haha, Sorry can't think of anything really that I didn't like about this one.
GOOD - The amount of backstory and information filling was great in this movie. , Explantation of how the clone wars started, Yoda whooping ass of course , use of the clones to massacare some droids, woot!, Start using Imperial March music *evil grin*.

So as you can see i really loved these movies and so see people who "love" them as well bash the new ones just dumbfounds me. I just don't get it